Crystal

For my birthday, I went to see a psychic!—I wanted my palm read, primarily. Maybe tarot cards read.

I was hoping for a dark and creepy experience. I'd had my palm read twice before, and my tarot cards read once. It's fun!

You may recall, I'm a bit embracing of death. I mean, it's going to happen, right? So, I didn't tell this to Crystal, but my main objective, aside from the creepy experience, was to chat about death.

As soon as she said, "I work with the light, not the darkness," I knew I was in for disappointment. She told me I'd live a long life and and moved on—that was the last mention of death! 

She focused and career and money (yawn) and relationships. I told her I was meant to be alone. She nearly cried at that, and told me I had a soul mate, and wanted to help me find him. She asked me if I had any dreams, and I started telling her about my recurring nightmares, and she wasn't interested. In hindsight, I think she was asking about the hope sort of dreams not sleeping dreams. 

Without even telling her I mostly wanted to talk about death, she declared, "you're so negative."

What a dull experience. Thanks, Yelp!

My Death

Fish-philes know I suffer from debilitating headaches. I am convinced my death will come as my brain expands and explodes through my skull.

Let me explain:

You and I know that the skull is made up of several bones, held together by elastic-y sutures. For some time, I thought my brain was pushing out along one of these natural connection points causing one side of my skull to have a sharp, near-90-degree angle (B) rather than a gentle curve (A). But, no.

The ridge is the temporal line, also naturally occurring, but mine has been increasingly sharpening, which is worse than the theory above. If the above were true, the elastic-y sutures would allow for some give, like the earth's crust movements. Instead, my head will explode out like a volcano (C).

My doctor won't entertain this notion. I consulted a biologist who also disagrees with me. And, I've consulted a geologist, who tells me volcanoes form along fault lines (sutures). He insists the pressure exerted against my skull by my brain is more likely to kill me than it is to make my skull explode like a volcano. He did, however, suggest I keep my head from becoming excessively warm.

All this has only convinced me I'm right. All these people telling me how wrong I am—methinks these ladies doth protest too much!

Once, a palm reader told me I'd die abruptly (now young, but suddenly). That's cool, I'm ready to go. Rather, I've been working on my will with an attorney, so I'll be ready to go in a few weeks, once it's notarized.

Crazy, you say? My doctor and neurologist can't account for the headaches, nor can they offer any suggestions to minimize them. take that! :-)