Crystal

For my birthday, I went to see a psychic!—I wanted my palm read, primarily. Maybe tarot cards read.

I was hoping for a dark and creepy experience. I'd had my palm read twice before, and my tarot cards read once. It's fun!

You may recall, I'm a bit embracing of death. I mean, it's going to happen, right? So, I didn't tell this to Crystal, but my main objective, aside from the creepy experience, was to chat about death.

As soon as she said, "I work with the light, not the darkness," I knew I was in for disappointment. She told me I'd live a long life and and moved on—that was the last mention of death! 

She focused and career and money (yawn) and relationships. I told her I was meant to be alone. She nearly cried at that, and told me I had a soul mate, and wanted to help me find him. She asked me if I had any dreams, and I started telling her about my recurring nightmares, and she wasn't interested. In hindsight, I think she was asking about the hope sort of dreams not sleeping dreams. 

Without even telling her I mostly wanted to talk about death, she declared, "you're so negative."

What a dull experience. Thanks, Yelp!