Overdue

For this Monday-after-TCAF anniversary of sorts (the last time, the loss of faith, the end), I post the first drawings I did of Matt.

Shaggy B&W, then one of his big legs. Then, the version he colored and uses as his avatar for most of his online profiles as of the last time I looked, a few months back.

There is another sketch series that will never be posted though, despite the fact that it might actually be more relevant to this date.

You probably get what I mean.

It struck me what a powerful anniversary month May is for me now, and what I was going through last year. Closing on my loft...saying good-bye to my grandmother...the aforementioned...prepping my space...moving...my grandmother's passing...living in a new space while fixing it up. I was so overwhelmed, and shut down and off. What a remarkable year it's been since...crawling out of the pit. Much, much better now.

Euro-tour two-thousand and eleven

Typically when I travel, I am sad at the airport, to be leaving behind my life and all. There's often too much time on your hands for "thought" and of course, the terminal itself isn't all that comfy.

Once I board the plane, I am Ok, and once I land, I am really excited to be where I am at.

But this time, as I sat in the airport, I was nothing but happy! Given what 2010 was like, I just sat there realizing how lucky I am...on every level...for everything. And most particularly, my emotional "journey." I really am proud for dealing with stuff and not postponing for another day.

I said my good-byes over the phone, and then boarded for France, looking forward to the festival and seeing my friends.










Arriving at CDG, I was surprised to feel sad...since I'm usually elated on arrival.

But looking around at the couples, I felt kind of alone. I was meeting up with Abby, and with friends, but it just wasn't the same.

Onward to Paris to meet up with Xavier, and then Jeff, and once in Angoulême, Marie-Claude. M-C took us to this lovely bakery/cafe and ordered a brioche.

This time of year, it's served in a similar way to King Cake in New Orleans...but instead of a porcelain Baby Jesus, there is a porcelain shoe baked inside.

Since I got the shoe, I was crowned King!—and I can expect good fortune for all 2011. Yay! I also must buy the next brioche, apparently.

That night, I shared raclette with Jeff. It's basically a giant wedge of cheese, served against a heating element. As the cheese begins to melt and ooze off the block, you slop it on to the meats and veggies they bring you on a platter. It was sooooo good, but I felt like a pig for eating so much cheese.

What I'm working on

"What are you working on?" I'm often asked.

Truth?—I'm not working on anything.

After I wrapped up TRUST/TRUTH summer/early fall 2009, I immediately transitioned to two shorties for Marvel which took the rest of the fall. Then came "the holidays" and finally the filling of book orders on TRUST/TRUTH and my annual trip to Angouleme Festival in France.

The spring was a difficult time for me, dealing with family issues and ultimately a death in the family, the technical aspects of buying my first home, and the emotional aspects of buying my first home. And, of course, considerable interpersonal confusion. During this time I attempting to outline and write the second half of BABY MAKES THREE simply to conclude it was unworkable.

Upon the closing of my home purchase, I was thrown into cleaning, painting, packing, moving, unpacking, more painting, arranging, re-arranging, furniture hunting, and the like.





Though in the summer I was able to start drawing again, including a 5 page mini comic "Trying Something New" written by Greg Lockard; 10 new pages for my CAVALCADE Volume 1 reprint; the first 3 pages of another mini comic written by Greg; complete thumbnails for an art-as-therapy OGN which I'll not likely draw; the X-Calibur and Wonder Woman Day illustrations I posted to this blog.

I was thrilled to help out Monica Gallagher with a 13-week guest run of her webcomic BONNIE N. COLLIDE this fall. Then it was off to India, and after I completed my travel sketches. And on to creating some custom Mego action figures and then "the holidays" again. I drew this illustration of Sailor Moon just prior to my recent trip to France.

This sounds like so much more than it is, in terms of comics production. The past year-ish resulted in 31 finished comic pages, 3 specialty art pieces and 3 custom Megos. That's all.

There is no book in the works...no pitches...no mini-comics...nothing.

That's not to sound doomsday about it—it's been a lot of fun fixing up my apartment. More fun than I'd anticipated. But for a variety of reasons, I have no ideas for comics at the moment, no projects underway, and no motivation to change it.

As for this Sailor Moon, I think it might be my most favorite thing I've done in a long time. I really love the way the line art turned out. I colored it...and something's lost. I still prefer the line art.Yes, it is Matt as Tuxedo Mask.

A Study in Gatchaman

After Star Wars took the country by storm in the late '70s, the demand for sci-fi was back, with little supply.

Capitalizing quickly, the (non sci-fi) Japanese Anime Gatchaman was rescripted, dubbed, and repackaged as the sci-fi show Battle of the Planets, which I loved as a kid.

I decided to draw a nice image of the group, in color. To gear up, I was sketching the team a bit around xmastime.

If you're not familiar, the science ninja team's uniforms (visors in particular) are bird-themed (eagle, condor, swan, falcon, owl). So I added two guys I draw often suited up as teammates (dodo and chicken).

UPDATE: It probably was too indirect, so I clarify that the teammates I added were Matt (dodo) and myself (chicken).

Last Call 2010: Extraordinary Part II

I was just in NYC, and, as with my last few visits, can't seem to escape my memories of the past. They're cast so firmly in stone, I once thought they formed a prison—but for some time now, I see them as the foundation on which I stand.

Let's agree that 2010 was a tough year for me. The high-note it started on quickly turned. Overwhelmed by life-altering stresses, daily stresses, led me to make some sad choices as I buried some intense emotions.

Along the way, I bought my home, began fixing it up, began living a more balanced life (sorry fans, this means I am drawing a bit less ;-).

I'd never lost anyone really close to me before this year. So, my grandmother's passing opened some emotional floodgates, and I began to crawl out of my haze...too little, too late, for some.

But after months of self reflection, talking with those who know me best, a bit of therapy, and a strikingly meaningful trip to India, I feel a few rungs up the ladder, at least. And, this past weekend, I climbed a very important rung for me.

The outcome of the climb was hardly "joyous." I'd tried to not hold any preconceived ideas of what might happen, as the climb was as important as any tangible outcome could be.

As I walked away from it, the feeling hit me. For the first time in my life, I felt extraordinary. Not relative to anyone else; not in-comparison-to; not tempered with any realistic sense of my place in the universe. Just me, extraordinary.

Homeward bound

The last days of my trip were more "business"y and no tourism.

Making my way back to Delhi, I captured just a few interesting sites in transit. I loved that old guy with the beard...so wizard-y. But the more I thought about him, the more disappointed I became, as I know in my heart he was not a wizard.

On the 3rd, I began my long trek home. I was eager to be home, and eager to leave India. I was very eager to see Aggie, wear some clean underwear, and sleep in my own bed.

But I was not eager to leave behind the special feeling the trip had produced; and anxious that the sense of calm (despite the intensity of the trip) that had developed within me would be chipped away by personal life and loss, my job and financial stresses.

En route home, one of the offerings of in-flight entertainment was Dead Poets Society, which I had not seen since I was in college. It was fascinating, the new light in which I viewed it. When it was new (and I was young), I'd not had associated myself or my headspace with any of the characters. But with my journey opening my mind, I could totally see myself in the Ethan Hawke character, walled off and quiet. In high school, I thought or actual spoke a good half the character's lines. One scene in particular stuck, when the Ethan Hawke character was defending himself to the Rob't Sean Leonard character, whose flirtatious refusal resulted in some dorm-room cavorting. The moment was very similar to Matt's refusal to accept my own walled-off behavior, so it was easy to imagine us each as teens in that conversation from the film.

You'll be pleased to know that the experiences, feelings, and calm have lasted with me on my return, despite some stressful situations. The trip, in every way, added to my "journey." Yay!

Bookends

In addition to all the meaningful moments in temples, shrines, mosques, and tombs, the particular timing of the trip produced meaningful reflections, and I further actively pondered life.

The trip had a very "bookend"ing feel for me.

Three years ago, November 2007, I journeyed to Ireland as a symbolic way to purge a lot of negative feelings and bad memories out of my system. They were fading on their own, to be sure, but the escape and placing myself in new surrounds was very cathartic.

On that trip, I began reading Vanity Fair. The novel had nothing to do with anything I was going through, it was simply a novel I wanted to read. While I made good progress during the Irish Escapade, I put the book down when I returned home. I picked it up here and there, amidst working on Love is the Reason and Trust/Truth, etc.

Nearly 3 years to the day, I finished reading the novel during my Indian Escapade. As Fish-philes know, I've been on an emotional journey the past months. This journey inevitably was leading me to improvement to the point that I knew going in, the trip to India would be as cathartic for me now, as the Ireland trip was in 2007. As circumstances begin to be accepted and hearts reclaimed, the symbolism of this trip and the conclusion of the book mirrors the Irish experience in a meaningful (to me) way as a bookend.

Further, the India trip followed—by days—New York Comic Con. My recent association of the heart essentially began at NYCC 2009 and ended NYCC 2010, adding to the bookend feeling of my time in India.

That night (or morning) I dreamed of Matthew. In reality, he was working at an out-of-town event toward the end of my own trip. In my dream, he was in Boston on my return, though would not own it was due to me. In the dream, his hair was shorter than when we first met but shaggier than when I last saw him; and he wore the outfit depicted in my sketch. He offered to pay for our cab, but only had fake money with faces of drag queens on the bills. I asked, "what is this money?" and he replied, "oh—it's the event I am running." Confused, I inquired as to what sort of event was it?—but then woke up.

The drawing of Miss Becky Sharp is a Tim Fish-ified rendition of the paperback edition's cover. I'd never be able to draw a mirror shot like that on my own...

New York Comic Con Report

This past weekend was NYCC, bigger and better than ever. The Javitz Center construction allowed for the expansion of small press and artist alley with some elbow room, as well as all the anime stuff in the lower levels.

Last year, I sold out around 2 PM on the third (last) day of the show. This year, I brought slightly more inventory. This made me nervous as the book market is so soft. Long story short, I basically sold out in the last 30 minutes of the show. Left with only a few books in tow.

I got to hang out with my usual NYC comics pals, and a special treat to see my Toronto comics pals, and even a west coaster, too.

Friday night, I made it into the DC Comics freelancers party, which was so much fun. I ran into Jen Van Meter who was excited about her HOPELESS SAVAGES collection, which the story we worked on together was in. Afterward, we went to some straight-bar-upstairs but gay-bar-downstairs place nearby.

Saturday morning, it was crazy. teenagers dressed in anime garb EVERYWHERE. I was kinda discouraged because no one was buying for the first 3 + hours of the show. Then suddenly, MADHOUSE sales. Tim Piotrowski and I kept haunting the Marvel booth too, to try to get on the list for the Marvel freelancers party (since we actually have freelanced for Marvel...) to no avail. Also stopped by to see Jen at the Oni booth and got a copy of the collection. It looks GREAT. On the way back, inadvertently did some networking, nice.

Back at the booth, after selling a Northstar sketch, there was an impromptu dramatic reading of my story, "The Vomiteer" which was hilarious. Then on to the LGBT comics panel with Howard Cruse, Abby Denson, Joan Hilty, Phil Jimenez, Dan Parent, and Tim Piotrowski. Jeff Krell did a great job moderating. It was jam-packing, SRO, and they turned away a lot of people at the door. Good signs for getting bigger space next year.

On Sunday, sales were sluggish the morning (expected) but got crazy by the afternoon. Along the way, dear Matthew stopped by and we had the opp to walk around the show together a bit. While he explored solo, Dennis demanded a sketch from me on his iPad's sketch program. It was tough to use!—not used to my finger as stylus. But the image attached is the result. The image is meant to be Matt, looking sad, nervous, wistful maybe, and of course cute. The brown splotches represent him (his eyes) and the blue splotches represent me (my eyes). The title of the piece is "what a fucked up mess" which sums things up.

After a crazy busy end to the show, we broke down and loaded up the rented van to get everything back to Tim's place. Then, we all ran out of steam. So tired. After an easy start to my Monday, I Bolt Bussed back to Boston last night. YAY NYCC!